You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
