The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
and you fell through a lawn chair
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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