She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
