Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
