we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
