woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
