No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
