just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
