when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize