I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
