my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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