woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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