There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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