he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
