i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
