Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
