If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
well you can't waste a boner
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
