She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
