I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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