Just cropdusted the office
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
