HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So vagazzling was a success
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
