Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
