Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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