I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
