you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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