I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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