Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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