I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
