Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
