I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Houston, we have a blender
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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