Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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