Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
