Soap is not a condiment
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
