Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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