What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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