Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
