make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
