My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize