he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
ok first of all what the fuck
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
