First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
