well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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