Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
