i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
