But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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