I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
