Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize