theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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