ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize