they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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