i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My hand turned me down
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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