Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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