U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
