she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
