true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
