Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
