I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
