Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
