I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
