Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize