3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
