She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
