The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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