I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
