where am i from again
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
