I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
