she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
