I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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