you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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