you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Vodka?
Forever.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Randomize