There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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