What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
