I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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