remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
nutella sex= disaster
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
