Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
