Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
