You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
