I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
