I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
