Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
