ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
