i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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