Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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