So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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