i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
