So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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