i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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