I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
