Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
