the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
