Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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