So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
