Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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