I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
