Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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