Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
