He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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