ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
