Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
