I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
