ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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