Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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