I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
