Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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