Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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