when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
All I want is dick and wine.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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