i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize