If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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