he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
