I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I think I won the penis lottery.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize