sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i will never coherently bang her
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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