Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
