i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
