my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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